Girls, girly
Wednesday, July 27, 2011 at 4:24PM My copy of Cinderella Ate My Daughte arrived in the mail today. Tonight I will stay up too late reading it, and get all riled up about the princess bomb that is making its way toward my sweet daughter's heart even as I sit here typing this. Awesome.
I remmebered I wanted this book when Ryan over at Pacing the Panic Room caused a minor rukus by bringing up his own awkward efforts to sheild his daughter from pink culture. I found his post to be particularly brave and interesting, because he didn't just say what I always say ("I hate princess crap"). He actually make the point that "the enemy" generally presents itself in the form of another innocent, if bejeweled, little girl. The one who comes over to play with a tiara on and wonders why your kid doesn't know who Ariel is. What kind of a crazy set up is that?
Of course, Margot is only 15 months old, so I have no actual field experience in this area. And if there's one thing I've learned in my short time as a parent, it's that you just don't know til you're in it. Who knows how I will handle this, but I certainly never ever want to make any little girl, or any parent of any little girl, feel bad for their choices.
Because seriously. We're all just doing the best we can and deserve about seventy thousand breaks. In our house there are already toys I thought I'd never buy, videos I thought we'd shield her from for much longer, food I thought I'd never let her touch. Some of this is because we get lazy, but a lot of it is just because we live in the world, where things are messy and disorganized and where we, just like everybody else, are majorly not perfect.
We eat junk food sometimes. We have been known on occasion to watch too much TV. We live across the street from a corner market where old men drink beer, hold court, and also wave and coo at Margot and call her "Cave Baby" (Don't ask.) Margot's world isn't pristine because ours isn't either. We can't change that, and so far I wouldn't want to.
But if you extend this kind of thinking out a few steps further, it starts to get complicated, and fast. I have this semi-developed theory that being raised in a cocoon is not all it is cracked up to be. But, maybe I can build, like a meshy one that only keeps out Disney princesses and other things that fill her brain with Prince Charming myths? (Oh, also it keeps out Barney. We just don't like him.)
I don't know that I can have it both ways -- in and out of the cocoon -- when does that ever work? But I guess that's just what we do, right? Try even though we know we might lose, even though it doesn't quite make sense.
Reader Comments (4)
Oooh, that is a good book! One of my favorite things about it is the way Orenstein admits to sometimes giving her daughter mixed messages, bending the rules, and generally struggles to figure out what the "rules" should be when it comes to managing the princess mania. Can't wait to hear your thoughts on it!
I can't speak for Dr. but my strategy has been to relentlessly reinforce and encourage non-pink/princessy interests when they arise. That's partly how we've ended up with a child obsessed with Elmo, Ernie and Cookie Monster.
One other thing that occurred to me: maybe the cocoon isn't the right metaphor for this, b/c once a cocoon is breached it's lost forever. A butterfly never returns to the cocoon, right? Maybe what we should try to do are build beaver dams: warm, safe spaces that provide respite and structure but allow for outside exploration, but with an entrance too small for a Barbie Dream Castle. And beaver dams are just cool, man.
Beaver dams ARE cool. I like already where Orenstein acknowledges and totally understands the allure of the princesses. I myself remember being drawn to that kind of thing as a young one. Dressing up IS fun. Bling is fun. (Btw, Margot disappeared into the bathroom this morning and came out wearing 8 necklaces...)
I think the real thing is the relentless marketing, the whole notion of these giant corporations making millions of dollars off of the manipulation of my kid's mind. That just makes me mad, and reminds me of my initial instinct, which was to build a little beaver dam keeping out all the big commercial stuff. But again, this is easy with such a tiny little bean and her tiny little universe. We'll see what happens. (Also, I admit to being fully in love with Yo Gabba Gabba, for which I am the painfully obvious target market. So, commercial stuff is bad unless I really like it? Eh...)