Me and My Full Time Job
Thursday, January 6, 2011 at 3:28PM My status as a working mom is one of those things that I worry about a lot, but have almost zero capacity to actually think about. This is partially due to the fact that anytime I hear the word "mom" in reference to myself, I get sort of dizzy and black out for a second. I am also this way with the word "daughter". What did you say? Peanuts?
But the bigger reasons this subject makes my brain hurt are A) It makes me feel horribly guilty and B) It seems that even if I did decide the current situation were untenable, there's actually not much we could do about it. An old friend from high school recently suggested that I should just "work until it isn't fun anymore." Which is hilarious -- her assumption being that my husband carries the actual financial load and I just work to get out of the house or something? Alas, my income is not lagniappe.
Another key problem is that I actually kind of love my job. Terrible, I know. Some days are crappy and some items on my to-do list drive me positively bonkers, but overall I have a pretty sweet deal, and several projects about which I care very deeply.
Anyway. This is not a blog entry where we solve this dilemma! It is merely a state of the union type mention. This is how things be. I love my job, and I wish it would go away. I was reminded of it reading this article in salon today, about a mom who "opted out," as they say, and is now having a beast of a time getting back into the workforce. The world is too much with us, y'all.
Mama Talk 
Reader Comments (3)
It's good that you feel guilty, b/c it means you love Margot, right, but it's also good that you don't just dive into the potential abyss of cutting all ties to work, I think.
My least favorite part of parenthood is all the external pressure that gets put on parents to do things one certain way, or the incessant drumbeat that effective parenting only stems from focusing only on the family unit. The internets are terrible at presenting the Stay-at-home parent as integral to building some Utopian family existence, but I think that's crap and also sort of classist.
I see stay-at-home parents at the park all the time who seem to spend most of their time texting than interacting with their kids...point being, it's sort of how you spend the time, right, and making sure that your unconditional love for your kid(s) is real and externalized.
Knowing how awesome you and Adam are, I'm guessing Margot is doing great and make sure to be wary of anyone who tells you there's only one right way to do anything, including raise your kids.
I really think that some people are better cut out to be stay at home parents than others. And that I would kind of get lost as a SAHM, just because I've never done well without structure. But I totally hold out part-time work as my own personal dreamy ideal. Thanks for the love, too. Wish we could all be doing this closer together.
I read that article too, and though I wasn't surprised by the vitriol she brought on in the comments (even she saw it coming) I was bummed out. I agree with Carn (above) that it is both crap and classist, and also, like she (she, right?) I don't like it when people – be they experts or whack jobs in comment sections of articles written by experts – tell me how to parent.
This is easier to say when you are the parent of school aged kids though, than when you have a newborn. The first year is the year of the perpetual second-guess, "How long do I do this?" "How should I feel about this?" "Am I hurting the baby by FILL IN THE BLANK?" etc. After a while, at least in my case, you're like "Yeah, this is the best I can do." And let me tell you, having just gotten divorced, and being a working (outside the home) mom, I have faced some judgement regarding my choices. But the proof is in the pudding as they say, and my kids are as cool and well adjusted as many with more idyllic lives.
And you know, a woman fulfilled (like one that loves her job) is a good mother. Margot will see that. My kids see me work (I work from home) and know I like my job. They know some days I'd rather lay on the couch with them, or go to the beach, but they also know in no uncertain terms: work = bread on the table. And this is a lesson I'm fine with them learning.
Too world is too much with us indeed.